Sep 21, 2011

The Little Green Monster-Jealousy

It has been a really crazy last few weeks. I got a call from the Oprah Winfrey Network a few weeks ago letting me know that they are interested in me doing a new series for them. They weren't able to give many details because they were still getting things put together. I was so extremely excited and flattered I couldn't stand it. From there they kept in contact with me, and it has just been surreal, but so much fun. I can't wait to see if anything comes from this. Even if it doesn't, I just feel very blessed, and very flattered, that they would consider me for this new series. I feel so thankful that my story has touched so many lives across the country. I'm just a normal, average girl from Utah with a story that I'm sure a lot of people have, and so I feel very thankful to all of the people who have connected with my story and felt comforted by something I might have gone through or said, just so they know that they're not the only person that struggles with weight.

Through these past few weeks and the Oprah phone calls, and just being really excited it has been very tough as well. I have an amazing family and support system. I have an incredible husband who supports me 100% and is so proud of all his wife has accomplished. I have 2 incredible parents that push me to be my best and encourage me to always strive for greater things. They have always taught me that I am special, and should be proud of the woman I have become. I have amazing siblings who are always so overjoyed and full of excitement when I tell them what is going on in my life. They are just genuinely happy for me. I feel so blessed by these people who just love me, and encourage me. I have some incredible sister in law's who have been so excited for me and been my cheer leaders which means the world to me. It's always so nice to have family support because a lot of the times myself and others don't get that in this life. I think we always want our families to back us up, and when they don't it breaks your heart. I have some amazing friends who I love like sisters, and since this has all happened they have been so excited and loving and kind and just wanting to know more and more. It means to world to me. So to all of my amazing relationships in this life who support me and love me, I say thank you so much.

This past week has been a tough one though. I have come across some very jealous people who for some reason just can't be happy for me. I have never struggled with jealousy in my life, so I don't understand it that well, but I know it is real and it's bad. It causes people to treat you certain ways, to say very mean and critical things, and tear you down because you are so happy. It blows my mind. I think what has hurt the worst is that these same people that refuse to give me encouragement, support, love, and just be happy for Dave and me, will be overjoyed at something that someone that is close to both of us does. It's very hard for me to not take things personally when it feels so personal. I try to remind myself that the world doesn't revolve around me, and I really try to give people the benefit of the doubt, but it's hard when you see pure joy and excitement on their faces or in their demeanor, and voices for someone you both love, but their utter jealousy towards you. It breaks my heart. I never thought that something that could bring so much joy could bring so much pain at the same time. I am learning a lot about a lot of people the last few weeks. I am learning what type of person I am, and what type of people others are.

I feel very blessed to know that I can honestly say that I wear my heart on my sleeve, that I genuinely give everyone the benefit of the doubt, that I try to find something good in every single person I meet. I'm not saying I'm perfect because I'm far from it, but I try so hard to always make others feel good. I love it when someone is happy or to see a smile on some one's face. I love just being able to sit and listen to someone express themselves, and be that shoulder to cry on if it will make them feel better. I genuinely love people, and I care about them. I get excited for people that I love when something great happens in their life. I try to show them how much I care about them by how happy I get for them. It never crosses my mind to think, "I can't believe it's them when it should be me." I just am not a jealous person. I think if something great happens to a person then they deserve it, and I feel privileged to get to be their cheerleader for a minute, so it breaks my heart when the people that I cheer on turn their backs on me.

I like to portray that I am a positive and happy person because I really am. That truly is the person that I am inside, but everyone has their struggles. I have spent many nights in tears the last week because of a broken heart. My little spirit has been crushed a few times by the way people have treated me. It's so hard for me especially when I know how good I am to them, and yet they won't do the same for me. I try to be strong, and let it roll of my back, but sometimes I can't. I try to tell myself that it is their issue and not mine, but it still hurts. It still makes me cry. It still makes me sad. I think it hurts the worse when you get treated this way by someone that you want so badly to love you. Someone that you just wish would treat you like you treat them. I have spent many nights on my knees asking for guidance, and although I know this is a learning process, and that God is trying to teach me something it doesn't mean it doesn't hurt. It doesn't mean it's easy. And it doesn't mean that it doesn't break my heart.

Thank you to all of you amazing people in my life who show me love, kindness, support, joy, excitement, and just lend a listening ear. You mean the world to me, and you are so special in Dave and my life. We are so blessed to have the people we have in our lives. Thank you for loving us the way you do. We know the people we can count on in this world, and I know you all know who you are, and I just want to tell you how thankful we are to have you and how much we love each and every one of you.

I know this week will get better. I'm so excited to speak to some amazing woman at Inspiration Unlimited in Vegas this weekend. I'm so excited to have my true cheerleaders (Dave, my Mom, and Dad) there with me. It will be a great week. I will get over this little hiccup and get back to myself, but just remember that even Jilly struggles. I have down weeks even if I do get calls weekly from Oprah. ;) I love you all and thanks for reading. I'll make sure to tell you all about this weekend when I get back!