Feb 16, 2012

5:53 am Thursday

Well I'm awake right now because I went to bed at about 8pm last night.  I was really struggling with some panic attacks and depression.  This lovely Bipolar disease I have can sure take the wind out of my sails at times.  I know some of you are thinking, What in the world does she have to be depressed about?  She just had her photo shoot for Utah Valley Magazine, she's a stay at home wife, and so on.  The truth is, depression doesn't care who you are. That's the nature of the beast.  I have learned though, and I know my bipolar well enough to know that it will only be around for a day or 2, so even though I felt like I was going to die due to lack of air getting into my lungs when I had a full on panic attack at the pharmacy I made it.  I came home, got some medicine, laid in my bed, took a bath and cried through the whole thing, got out and went to bed.  I know that I'm going to have days like this.  It doesn't mean that I like them.  If I had it my way I would be happy go lucky Jill all the time, but about once a month I get a couple of days of depression, panic and it sucks, but it is what it is.  We all have our things, and this is one of mine.

Kenneth Linge
FAB 50 Utah Valley Magazine 2009

I did have a really cool day this week though that had absolutely nothing to do with Bipolar, and everything to do with this blog.  The Utah Valley Magazine is doing a series called the FAB 50, and I got nominated!  I was so excited and flattered, so first let me thank all of you who nominated me for the job.  I have amazing friends and great readers!  2nd I found out who the photographer was and I about died.  I have been a fan of Kenneth Linge for over 10 years.  I have wanted to meet him, and have my pictures taken by him more than anyone will ever understand.  He is truly amazing in my eyes, and I think he is able to capture the soul of someone through his photography.

On Monday I got to meet him, talk with him for over an hour, learn about him, and then be photographed by him.  Before I left he asked for my number and said he would love to photograph me again.  I was so excited.  I can't tell you what an amazing man he is.  Although at times his thick Norwegian accent was difficult to understand his soul was easy to read, and his eyes were warm, welcoming, and soft.  He truly was an incredible man, and I feel blessed to have had the experience to spend some time with that great man.

I look back over my life at times and the experiences I have had, and the people I have had the opportunity to meet, and I feel so blessed.  I know people are put in my life for reasons whether it be for me or for them, either way I feel so lucky to have crossed paths with them.  I have learned something from every person I have met.  And whether it has been a one time meeting or they are now one of my best friends I am thankful that at one time or another they have impacted my life for the good.  Life really is a journey and I'm grateful that I have a 2nd chance to live it.

I hope all of you are having a great day and got a chance to tell someone that you love an extra "I Love You" or "I'm thankful you're here" on Valentine's Day even though we need to be doing more of that everyday.

Thanks for all your prayers while I was in the hospital this last few weeks getting surgery.  I want you all to know that I'm doing great and feeling better!  I'm slowly getting back to being "Jilly" again, and I know it's because of great friends like all of you.  Have a great weekend my friends!