May 29, 2015

He Knows Me

As I get ready to celebrate my Birthday next week, I was thinking about this past year. It's truly been one of the hardest years of my life. I never knew how strong I was until God put me through the "Wine Press" so to speak. I also never realized how much I would grow to lean on my Savior, understand my calling in this life, and feel the love from my Father in Heaven, and so many of You.

There have been times over this past year when I have been lower than I could imagine possible for a human being to feel. It's at those exact moments that one of you will email me, text me, or call me. I know I don't always respond, but please know that your love means more than you will ever know. 

I'm often not able to respond when in my darkest moments. It's at those moments that you all carry me, along with a loving Heavenly Father. I truly believe that he sent some of you here just for me. I can think of a few of my dearest friends that have been there for me, even when they didn't know I was in need. Please know that you didn't just think of me. A loving Heavenly Father inspired you to contact me at just such a time. For this I am certain.

One of those moments happened tonight. I was sitting, studying the scriptures before Dave gets home. It's a very peaceful and quiet time of night for me. Today had been especially rough. After going through hours of Doctor appointments that left me feeling like a pin cushion, I sat crying as I read the words of God. I was wondering if I really did receive answers to my prayers, why did he send me here, what's my purpose? It's something that for so long I believed that I knew, and yet tonight I couldn't pull that inspiration from so long ago, into my brain. I just needed him to speak to me.

Through the tears I read exactly what I needed. At that moment, as I sit there crying one of my best friends sent me a text. It simply said, "I think you're going through something far more difficult than just your everyday health issues. I love you." Oh my goodness you beautiful soul. How blessed and honored I am to call you my friend. How amazing you are, and how much I love you; I will never be able to put into words. Thank You! Thank you for a loving Father, and an even better listener.

We get so wrapped up in religion, and that you don't believe what I do, but it doesn't matter. None of it does if we can't love one another. I mean what is the point to being here, surrounded by human beings who love God, and yet we're not Christlike to one another. We claim to know the truth, and understand God's words, yet we don't live it. How in the world do we call ourselves Christians, if we can't even follow one of the greatest commandments ever given?

Those of you that do listen, and follow him; I thank you. You are the select few that have come into my life at the exact moment that I've needed, and offered nothing but love. I hope one day I can pay back this beautiful gift that our Lord has given me.

Through trials and tribulations are the most beautiful people of the world born. The ones that have walked through fire, endured burning, and go through endless amounts of heartache and pain, You Are the Chosen ones. You are the ones that were sent here to show the world what true Christlike people truly are. I'm honored to be in your company. I'm honored to call you my friends.

As I turn the corner and approach the age of 31, I think about what this beautiful life has given me, what it's taken away, and all that it has left to give, and I'm humbled. I'm so touched that my Father loves me. I'm so touched that He listens to me. I'm brought to my knees by how He knows me. He knows me individually. He knows my heartaches, my pains, my passions, my triumphs; He knows me. Just as He knows each of you.

He loves us. Even at our darkest times, our most weak, and humiliating times, He loves us. He loves us Perfectly. Let me say that again, HE LOVES US PERFECTLY. He Loves YOU Perfectly. For that I will be eternally grateful.